I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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