Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
