Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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