When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
