If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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