we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
