i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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