This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
