he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
