i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
