Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I've blown a few things in my day
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
