Moan for me like Helen Keller
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
