you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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