Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
