You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
