remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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