I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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