Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
