my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
