He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize