the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
