she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
