btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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