sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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