just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
