Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
did i walk over a car last night?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
