We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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