I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How does one acquire holy water?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
