i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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