Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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