apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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