I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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