wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
