took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
me + whiskey = a bad person
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
