toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
