I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
there's paper in my vomit.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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