He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
