I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
