She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
