I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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