I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
