i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
