Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
