Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
