I only kidnapped one of them. chill
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize