I want to have your abortion
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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