I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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