do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
