don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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