so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
be right there i have to get my cape
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
