I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
