Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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