The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
