Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
