So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Green mimosas i think yes
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
