a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
it's like iHOP with fire
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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