are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
