i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
