Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I checked into jail on foursquare
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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