Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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