So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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