cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
only you would photoshop your dick
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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