Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i think my cat just said my name.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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