so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
