yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
