True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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