how can u be prego again
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
