I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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