Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
