I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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