She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
