New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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