Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
