i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
