I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I fill condoms, not promises.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
