Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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