I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
