I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
