quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize