So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize