so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
try to milk me bitch
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