It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
