Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(213): View more from California

What happened to our ballroom dancing plans

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(206): View more from Washington

I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole

(425): View more from Washington

There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.

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(810): View more from Michigan

She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.

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(530): View more from California

Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa

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(503): View more from Oregon

You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.

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(734): View more from Michigan

You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters

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