Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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