Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
