You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
