Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
