hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
