just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
