normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
