Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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