there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you didnt know i had herpes?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
