my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize