Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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