I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
