How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
