Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
