I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
