Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
