party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize