sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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