Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
