I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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