someone get that fucking seahorse.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
