i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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