i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
