Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize