if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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