Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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