im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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