Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize